Wonder woman Hayley Harding on heartache and survival
In conversation with Metropol writer Sophie Lapsley, entrepreneur Hayley Harding shares a glimpse into her journey of cancer survival, finding hope after her husband’s death, and the unexpected career move shaping her future.
Before cancer and the sudden loss of her husband James in early 2020, Hayley Harding’s life was defined by the typical joy expected for a young, happily married mother of two young girls. Contentedly living in Christchurch, and the owner of a blossoming event styling business, Hayley spent her days creating “happily ever afters” for couples.
It was a life of structure and promise – James had even begun taking an active role in the business, managing logistics for their growing hire company.
Then, in early 2020, her world jolted off its axis. With no warning, James passed away following an unforeseen medical event. Hayley, attempting to navigate the profound shock of widowhood and single motherhood, found herself alone in her grief and surviving the unknown territory of losing her life partner.
“There were days that I could only take it an hour at a time, sometimes having to lift myself from crying on the kitchen floor,” Hayley reflects. “To survive and protect my girls, I buried my grief down. I thought by doing that and continuing to work and maintain some sort of routine, I tried to be a superwoman.”
For a time, Hayley attempted to maintain the façade of her old life. Just three weeks after James died, she was back at work, coordinating a wedding. It was gruelling, facilitating the best day of a couple’s lives while masking how she was truly feeling. “Working made me feel good, but it also made me feel terribly lonely. I’m watching people embark on their ‘happily ever after,’ while my whole world has completely shattered.”
Over time, the toll of her grief and stress was mounting, and physically she felt that something was ‘not right in her body’. When she found her nipple inverted in the shower, her gut told her the news would be grim.
Five years after losing her husband, Hayley’s doctor delivered a devastating breast cancer diagnosis. “My head went straight to my girls again,” she says through tears. “They had already lost one parent, what would happen next?”
The cancer treatment phase was gruelling and lonely. Sitting on the couch at night after her daughters were asleep, Hayley was making heavy medical and financial decisions – moments where she deeply missed having James by her side.
A retreat and hidden trauma
A pivotal turning point occurred during a retreat in Byron Bay, led by local Christchurch business and energetics strategist Amy Shaw. It was here that Hayley finally began to peel back the layers of trauma she had suppressed for years. The retreat was an eye-opener, a space where she says she felt seen as ‘just Hayley’, not just a widow or a cancer survivor. It was amongst the group of like-minded women, that Hayley says she began to reconnect with herself, not the woman she was before, but who she was now.
“I started to remember who I was and felt like I was letting go of so much heaviness,” she shares. It was also in Byron Bay while practising yoga in the coastal heat, she realised the discomfort of wearing a prosthetic breast was no longer something she would tolerate.
She removed it, throwing it into the air in an act of symbolic protest, and has never worn it since. “I am so comfortable in my body now.
My boobs, one or two, don’t define who I am.” Listening to her intuition, she realised breast reconstruction wasn’t the right choice. She chose a different path – one of accepting and embracing her body now.
Rebounding for recovery
Through her healing journey, Hayley became fascinated by lymphatic health, which eventually led her to the world of trampoline rebounding. The gentle jumping and movement offered her a way to exercise, support her lymphatic and bone health, and reconnect with her body. It was a workout that required presence, if she let her mind wander in the future – she would lose her balance
or timing.
It was never intended as a business move, but the fitness activity took hold in Hayley’s daily routine, and soon business plans were forming. Today, Hayley is one of the first to bring rebounding classes to New Zealand. Her vision for her business Unnbound includes a dedicated studio, bringing together rebounding and barre classes, lymphatic massage and sauna, andcreating a space centred around movement, strength, lymphatic health and reconnecting with your body. It’s a dream she could not have imagined at the depths of her grief and illness.
“It’s hard to say this, but I wouldn’t be doing this had I not lost James,” Hayley reflects. She admits finding light amongst the dark has helped direct her future. “It wouldn’t have come about had I not experienced what I’ve experienced in my life. And now it’s time to help other people navigate whatever journey they’re on.”
Hayley’s message to other women facing a cancer diagnosis or grief is: take it one day at a time, don’t go down internet research rabbit-holes of fear. While she acknowledges that “grief walks beside us every day,” Hayley has learned to let joy and sorrow coexist. Her daughters are immensely proud of her, witnessing their mother trade the mask of the “tough one” for a life of authenticity, purpose, and, of course, the occasional trampoline bounce.
“Life doesn’t look like the fairy tale we thought it would look like,” she says. “But it’s still good, we still live with happy moments and hope.”
