Sleep divorce
Snoring, body heat, restless legs, insomnia, different schedules and a yearning for personal space are just some of the reasons why some happy couples choose to sleep apart, whether in separate beds in the same room, or in separate rooms altogether.
Sleep divorce is proving to be a relationship saver for some couples, keeping them together and enabling them to sleep well. Sleep is essential for everyone’s health and wellbeing, although it sometimes proves impossible when couples share a bed.
New research from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine has found 21% of all adults in the United States sleep in a different space to their partners. That percentage is higher in younger couples, with 26% of Americans aged 25 – 34 claiming to do so. 
Couples sleeping apart is not new, for instance in Japan, parts of Scandinavia, and in some Islamic and Jewish cultures. It became more common in Western societies in the 1800s. Now, for some couples, sleeping separately to ensure a good night’s sleep will mean they have better quality time together while awake, enhancing their relationship.
Remember also that a sleep divorce does not have to be permanent. Couples can try it out, see if it works for them and then revert to sleeping together if it does not.
Experts says that some couples sleep separately during the week, but together on the weekends, meaning it may be worth trying it out three times a week at first to see how it feels. Actress Cameron Diaz supports the concept, saying in December 2023 that “we should normalise separate bedrooms” for married couples.
Pros and Cons
Some couples say the arrangement improves their relationships, leaving them more rested, and reducing conflict and resentment. Others believe sleeping together is healthier for the relationship, synchronising and stabilising the pattern of sleep brain waves, allowing bonding hormones to be released, and ensuring better mental health.
One expert recommends:
- Discuss the new arrangements before sleeping apart
- Let your partner know why you love and appreciate them, then bring up that you haven’t been sleeping well.
- Use the word “we”, so you’re explaining, not blaming
- Schedule together time before heading to separate beds
- Take opportunities to touch (hug, snuggle) each other throughout the day
- Don’t forget to schedule date nights
