How to help cancer patients
Cancer survivor and Metropol writer Cosette Calder gives practical tips on how to help people facing a cancer diagnosis.
When someone you know is diagnosed with cancer, it can be hard to know what to say or do. It’s a difficult and often overwhelming moment. For many, knowing how to respond or how to offer support can be confusing, leaving us feeling helpless. Before my own diagnosis, I felt the same. But through my experience and conversations with other patients and caregivers, I’ve learned how meaningful support can be, in small, practical ways.
1. Transport matters
Cancer treatment often involves frequent hospital visits. If you can offer a ride, even just once, it helps enormously. When I was going through throat cancer treatment, families from my son’s rugby team pitched in to help with transport. Their unprompted kindness lightened our load immensely.
2. Bring food
Cooking becomes a challenge during treatment. Ready-made meals, especially those that can be frozen, are deeply appreciated. Always check for dietary restrictions first. Even home-baked treats for the patient’s children can lift spirits.
3. Offer time and presence
Cancer can be lonely. Visiting, texting, or even just sitting silently with someone can bring comfort. Check first if it’s a good time to visit, and never go if you’re unwell. Even a simple message like, “Thinking of you today,” can make someone feel remembered.
4. Support the caregivers too
Caregivers carry a heavy emotional and physical load. Acknowledge them. Offer help, meals, or just an ear to listen. Encourage them to connect with online support groups for caregivers.
5. Choose words carefully
Don’t worry about saying the ‘perfect’ thing. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know what to say, but I care.” A favourite phrase among patients is: “I hope you’re the best you can be today.” Avoid comparisons to others’ cancer stories because every experience is unique.
6. Thoughtful gifts
Simple items can bring comfort: books, puzzles, lip balm, hand cream, blankets, a neck pillow, or gift cards. Even a cleaning service voucher can be a welcome relief.
7. When cancer can’t be cured
Talking about dying is difficult. Often, just being there is enough, a hand to hold or sitting quietly nearby can bring peace. Let the person guide the moment. These final shared times can be deeply meaningful.
Your presence, kindness, and ongoing support, not just at the start, but throughout the journey, can make a world of difference.
Cosette Calder is a 10-year cancer survivor and advocate for the Head and Neck Cancer Foundation Aotearoa.
